Through My Open Window
by phoenixreal
Summary: Cannon Divergent. Ichigo is visited and assaulted by someone he thinks is his best friend. He's confused and unsure and then it continues to happen until he's whisked away by a version of his friend he begins to doubt. Meanwhile, Renji is confused and finding blood on his clothes when he wakes. Urahara investigates and thinks something is going on. RenXIchi. Warning Inside.
1. The Lover

**Through My Open Window**

* * *

_Through My Open Window_

_I left the window open last night  
and death crept in silently.  
He came to take me far away  
but I fought him valiantly._

I did not really want to go  
it did no good that I tried,  
that I fought to stay and live,  
be still, toll the bell, I've died.

* * *

_A/N: ARGH DAMN you plot bunnies. It must be spring, right? Anyway, not sure how long this will be, or when I'll update, but the stupid thing kept cropping up in my head so it had to be written. This is partially inspired by a fic I read a while back, can't remember what it was or who wrote it, but Renji had been possessed and all that jazz. So I liked the idea of him doing something he doesn't remember, so here we have it._

_This takes place during Vizard training before Hueco Mundo. _

_Cannon Divergent. It is late summer, not long after Ichigo's seventeenth birthday, and so far Orihime has not been kidnapped yet. Ichigo has upped his mask time to about twenty seconds now. Heuco Mundo has been unusually quiet, and Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Renji, and Rukia are all assigned to Karakura Town in anticipation. There have been no incursions by the Arrancar._

_WARNINGS: Not repeated on subsequent chapters._

_-Non Con_

_-Sexual Torture/mental torture/physical torture_

_-ANGSTY hurt/comfort_

_-Lemon, eventually once the boys figure it out._

_Again, and always, don't own Bleach, don't make any money from this, and flames are used to roast marshmallows for my s'mores. Hrm. S'mores. Now I'm hungry. _

_Poetry used with Permission © Brenda K. Sims. Look it up on Amazon for books of poetry._

* * *

**Chapter One**

_The Lover_

_ This lover of mine has come  
dressed all in black,  
He's come to take me away  
upon his back._

_ I must go away with him  
for he is mine.  
I can't stay longer because  
I'm out of time._

_What exactly brought me here  
to binding fate?  
All I know for sure is that  
it is too late._

_ My love takes my away and  
I shed one tear.  
And I smile only because  
there is no fear._

* * *

The first time it happened, Ichigo wasn't sure if he was dreaming or awake. He'd spent the day at the warehouse with Hiyori trying to beat him half to death he was certain. Things had been quiet as everyone prepared for what was surely going to be an all-out war. Ichigo was doing his best, and so far he was up to twenty seconds with the mask, but it still wasn't enough. The other Vizard could hold the masks much longer than he could. It was frustrating, but he would do it. He'd fallen into his bad absolutely exhausted after kicking Kon out of his human body and tossing his noisy plush ass into the closet. He'd had another barrette superglued to his ear again. Ichigo didn't want to listen to him complain about it. He just really wanted to sleep. If there was one thing he liked, it was the fact that he could sleep like a log once he dropped into his human form these days.

It was somewhat nice that he didn't have to worry about the random hollows, with everyone from Soul Society here all the time, he could focus on his own training. He knew Renji was helping Chad with his training, and Orihime was training on and off with Rukia when she could. Urahara was integral to everything. He had to hand it to hat'n'clogs, he certainly knew how to train people. Rangiku and Toshiro kept each other in line, and Ikkaku and Yumichika were crashing with Keigo. That was strange. Of course, watching Yumichika prancing around in Keigo's sister's clothes was always amusing. And Keigo's sister had a huge crush on Ikkaku. What made it funny, though, was Ichigo was about ninety percent certain that Ikkaku and Yumichika were together. They fought like a married couple and were inseparable, so what else was he going to think? He thought that must be nice, to have someone that was always around. Ichigo was sure he'd never have a relationship with another human…or shinigami he supposed…because of how different he was. Training with the Vizard reminded him how he wasn't really either one.

He faded off to sleep thinking of it into dreams of what he was sure he couldn't have in his life, flashes of red and black.

Then he felt that strange feeling of being watched while he slept. He sighed and tried to flip over, thinking Kon had probably gotten the closet door open again and was sitting there staring at him in that creepy stuffed lion way. He winced though because he couldn't turn over. His brows knitted together in a scowl. Something was keeping him in place. His eyes shot open; his senses on fire and found he was staring up into a pair of dark eyes he knew all too well.

"Renji?" he asked, realizing that his hands were tied together and to the head of his bed. Renji was on his hands and knees over him with his knees planted by his hips and his hands above his shoulders. His nose was almost touching Ichigo's.

"Man, this isn't funny, okay?" Ichigo said, smiling nervously. He got it; Renji was messing with him again. He'd get him back for this, though. He was already thinking of things to do to the annoying red-head while he slept at Urahara's. "Okay, ha, ha, let me up. The hell are my hands tied with?" he asked, craning his neck and seeing the white, soft fabric. Renji's obi? Okay, that wouldn't break easily.

"Okay, getting a little weird, Renji, um, yeah, can you untie me? You got me. Should have stayed aware of my surroundings…" Ichigo said, seeing that Renji hadn't moved a muscle. He was just staring at him. Ichigo swallowed. "Um, so if you wanna spar, I can switch with Kon? I tossed him in the closet…"

Renji tipped his head to the side and smiled, and a chill ran down Ichigo's back. Something was very wrong with that smile. Completely and totally wrong… It didn't look like Renji's smile at all. Ichigo's heart was starting to beat faster and he yanked on the tie. He was starting to lose feeling in his fingers because it was so tight.

"Dammit, Renji, get off! This is not funny anymore!" he almost shouted. Renji's weird smile faded and he reached down and grabbed something beside the bed and shoved it into Ichigo's mouth. Ichigo's eyes widened with shock. It was a sock, obviously, and now Renji was using another one to tie it around his head viscously tight. What?

Then Renji reached down to his waist and shoved his pajama top up under his armpits and began trailing his fingers over his abdomen. He sat back on Ichigo's thighs and watched him carefully. Ichigo shouted at him but it was muffled against the sock gag. He tried to get him off his legs but the angle was wrong and he couldn't get any leverage to move him. It wasn't that Renji was a lot bigger than him, but he was in his human body. That was a little different when Renji was in soul form.

The strangest part was the silence, though. Renji never shut up. Seeing him silent was a rarity and Ichigo wasn't sure if he'd ever seen him silent for very long. Ichigo struggled against him and Renji looked back up at him and got off the bed suddenly. Ichigo thought maybe whatever bad joke it was had finished. He was wrong about that. Renji reached over and yanked his pajama bottoms and shorts away with a swift motion. Ichigo squeaked and started to scream against the gag and tried to seriously kick Renji now. This was beyond not funny. Granted, he could see Renji stripping him and leaving him like this as some sort of joke. Ichigo swore that he would steal the bastard's clothes and hide them the next time he had a chance.

Then, he picked up Ichigo's school belt and grabbed his feet, lashing them together at the ankles. Ichigo tried to pull away, but Renji pushed his legs forward until his knees were literally under his chin. What the hell was he doing? This was so much beyond funny right now. He wasn't just going to hide his clothes; he was going to kill him. Now he really couldn't get any leverage to push Renji off. He screamed abuse through the gag, but Renji's strange silent stare continued. Renji moved him until his bound ankles were resting on his left shoulder. Then Ichigo felt something hard and wet against the back of his leg. He frowned and then his eyes went wide as he realized what was happening.

He started to struggle again, much more franticly this time, feeling blood running down his arms now, and the white obi that was holding his wrists was quickly turning red. He was not going to let this happen. No way, no how. Renji was his best friend, why would he do something like this… If this was a joke it was going way too far. He was going to have Rukia kick his ass too. And maybe Byakuya. Yeah…maybe…

His thinking was cut off when a crushing amount of pressure and pain shot through him and up his back. Renji had forced his way inside in one move, and Ichigo felt blood dripping down onto the bed below him. He screamed into the gag now, arching his back despite the strange folded position he was in. He shook his head and began to try to breathe through it. It hurt a whole lot more than he expected it to hurt, to be honest. Despite his attempts to stop it, tears were soaking the gag. He was having trouble breathing and he wasn't sure if it was from what was happening or because of the pressure on his lungs. He whined into the gag and let his head fall back. He couldn't do anything but wait. He vaguely heard Kon's voice from inside the closet. Then, a warmth and stinging pain flooded him and Ichigo's stomach turned. Something didn't feel right in his right hip, and he wondered if he'd really hurt him. He couldn't tell, he was in too much pain. Finally he moved, dropping him down and silently untying the obi from Ichigo's hands.

He stared at him a long time then smiled that odd smile again and wrapped the bloody obi around his waist and was gone out the window without a word or a sound.

Ichigo laid there for a long time without moving. He laid so long that suddenly he saw a plush lion face over him.

"Ichigo! What…what… oh Kami, Ichigo, what happened?" Kon said.

Ichigo shook his head, slowly reaching to his mouth and pulling off the gag and sat up, unhooking his belt from his ankles. There were deep red grooves in his ankles and he realized his feet had both gone numb from loss of circulation. His wrists were still dripping blood and he felt something dripping from the corners of mouth. Kon was still talking but he stopped listening. He grabbed his yukata and stood up, his legs buckling under him as he did. Kon jumped down beside him, still chattering. Ichigo grabbed him and tossed him across the room as he sat beside the bed and stared at the wall.

"Shut up," he muttered, pushing himself to his feet and walking unsteadily to the bathroom. A few moments later, Kon heard him throwing up rather violently and then the shower ran for a very, very long time.

Kon had no idea what had just happened. He hopped on the bed and saw the bloody sheets and the pillow too. He should tell someone, but who was he going to tell stuck in the house and in Yuzu's room? He would just tell Sister Rukia when she came by next time. What to do until then? And what to tell her? Ichigo was yelling at someone and he didn't know who it was, and then by the time he got out, Ichigo was practically non-responsive and obviously had been…no….that wasn't possible, who could do that to him?

Ichigo came back in and ripped the bedding from the bed, actually ripping the lower sheet with the violence he ripped it off the bed with, startling Kon into backing under his desk. He was panting for breath and dropped to his knees beside the bed and sat there with his head down for a long time. Kon had no idea what to do or say. If he was that violent with the bedding, he didn't want to know what he was going to do to him if he said anything or asked questions. He would just have to wait for Sister Rukia to come to the house.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Renji was so confused. Rukia came into the room he was staying at inside Urahara's Shoten. Rukia saw the puzzled look.

"What's up?" she asked.

He held up his obi which was stained a good portion red. "I have no idea what happened to it," he said. "I was going to the shower and went to untie it and realized it was like this."

Rukia stepped forward and touched it. "It's still tacky…" she said, frowning and looking up. "Are you bleeding anywhere?"

"Not that I know of…I just woke up and stepped out of gigai, and thought I'd shower before I went out on patrol with you this morning. I'll get in the shower and see," he said shrugging, taking off the kusodo and glancing down, holding his hakama with one hand. There were smudges of blood on his lower stomach. He frowned. "This is so weird," he said as Urahara walked in.

"What is?" Urahara asked.

"This," Rukia said, holding up the obi. "And he's got blood on him too, go see if you have a cut on your hip or something," she said to Renji. Renji nodded and headed to the bathroom. He dropped his hakama off and saw there were other traces of blood on his legs and hips. He got into the shower and was surprised at the seemingly large amount of blood that washed down the drain. That was weird; he didn't think there was that much on him…unless it was in his hair… He arched a brow. Well, his hair was red; it would be hard to tell if he had blood in it. He examined himself carefully, and found no traces of injuries on his body, limbs or head.

He came out after having redressed, getting a clean obi first. "Well, I couldn't find anything on me. No cuts or anything. Could I have cut myself then it healed already? Sounds strange, but I guess it could happen…"

Rukia shrugged. "No idea, Renji. Let's see what the others are up to today, it's the weekend, so no school."

They took off together and headed toward where they felt the strongest reiatsu. That would be Ichigo, of course, she thought, smiling. Coming from the soccer field. They landed up on the poles and saw him sitting on the ground watching his sister practice. His posture was wrong, though, she thought. His head was bent over his knees and he was very still.

Renji smiled. "Let's leave him alone, he doesn't look like he wants company," he said to her. "Want to find the Quincy?"

Ichigo, meanwhile, had actually sensed them approaching, and he had for the first time in his life been scared to move. He didn't know what would happen when he saw Renji. What was he supposed to say to him? Would he even say anything about what had happened? He shivered and didn't know what to do. He couldn't tell Rukia, he didn't want Renji to get in trouble. Renji was his best friend and right now he was just so very confused about what exactly was going on. His best friend, right? Unless Renji had wanted more than that and didn't know how to say it… He didn't think Renji to be so violent though, he thought, wincing as his hip twinged again. He didn't know what to think.

He started when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and gasped, finding it was Orihime and Tatsuki. "Whoa!" Tatsuki said. "Didn't mean to startle you," she said, smiling and sitting down on his left. Orihime blushed and sat down on his right.

"Ah, yeah, fine," he said, putting his chin back on his knees and staring out ahead.

"Something wrong?" Tatsuki asked, putting an arm around him. He instantly pulled away.

"No, fine, I'm…uh, tell Karin I'll see her at home," he said, getting up and walking away quickly.

Tatsuki and Orihime exchanged a glance. "That was strange," Tatsuki said.

Orihime nodded in agreement. "Did it look like his face was bruised?" she asked thoughtfully.

Tatsuki shrugged. "Who knows, he's always getting into fights…"

Orihime nodded, knowing that it was possible for him to have gotten bruised and cut at the warehouse with the Vizard, but usually Hachi healed him, or he came to her. It would be a little strange for him to not get injuries healed…

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Ichigo knew he wasn't dreaming the next time it happened. It had been a couple days, and he was beginning to feel less jumpy. He hadn't seen Renji or Rukia in the last couple days, and he found out from Chad they'd both been summoned back to Soul Society. He was secretly very glad. Maybe Renji would be normal again when he got back and he could pretend it was just some awful nightmare that had never really happened. He wasn't sure how he'd continue to interact with Renji but he'd do it. He still considered him his best friend in the whole world.

He'd fallen asleep on top of the blanket because he was hot. He'd shut and locked the window, and he wasn't about to open it since Friday night. It was Tuesday night and it was terribly hot. He wouldn't open the window, though. He couldn't. He had come through the open window. Renji never came into his room when it was closed.

He woke up with a start though and felt that again, he wasn't alone. He tried to talk but there was something, a cloth in his mouth already and he screamed into it. No, no, not again, he thought, but as his sleep addled mind woke up, he realized his predicament. Again, he was in his human body, and this time, Yuzu had taken Kon to bed with her, so he would be no help, not that he'd been help last time. His hands were tied together on his back, he thought with his belt this time, and he felt like something was holding his feet down. He struggled against the bindings and screamed into the gag again.

He heard soft, shh in his ear and then felt hands stroking his shoulders and down his hip. He shook his head again and tried to yell louder, until he felt something tighten around his throat. He coughed and gasped and realized it was something soft, some sort of clothes that were tightening around his neck. Again, shh came to his ears and he felt those insistent hands on his hips, pulling them upward before he plunged downward. He couldn't shriek like he wanted because he couldn't get enough air into his lungs to do so. He whimpered and wanted the world to just fade away. Just as he was about to pass out the pressure reduced and he was gasping against the gag. He felt him release and it burned worse this time. He whimpered and then Renji's weight leaned over him and a voice that was and wasn't Renji's whispered in his ear.

"Mate."

Then, the pressure was gone and so was the gag. Ichigo was still bound at the wrist. He groaned in frustration but finally managed to work his sweaty and bloody hands through the belt, though he thought he might have broken his thumb in the process. He moved and found he had his pants wrapped around his ankles and tied to the bed frame. Again he stumbled into the bathroom, his right side painful still, and he saw it was pretty bruised as well. He threw up again and then sat in the shower until the hot water was out. He finally couldn't take the cold water anymore and got up and pulled off his bedding again before he fell into it. He glanced over at the window. It was still shut and locked.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

"Dammit!" Renji said, coming out of the room after he exited his gigai. He was holding his hakama up with one hand and holding up his obi, once again stained red. "Here, I'm going to the shower," he said with a sigh, leaving Rukia with the obi.

Urahara looked at it. "It's wet…" he muttered, touching the damp potions, and then the blood that was still tacky. "Look at the pattern, though," he said, laying the obi flat on the table.

Rukia stared at it. "It…that's strange. Its wet in the middle and the sides, and there's blood here and here… Can you tell what it has on it?" she asked.

Urahara nodded. "Yeah, let me see."

Urahara took off into his room with it as Renji came out, shrugging his kusodo on again. "Blood again, I don't understand what the hell is going on," he said with a frown.

Rukia sighed. "Urahara's looking at it."

A few minutes later he came out again. "Blood, saliva, and saline," he said, looking up at them.

Renji scratched his head. "Well that's weird. Can you tell if its mine?" he asked.

Urahara arched a brow at him. "That's the problem, it isn't. This came from a human."

Renji and Rukia exchanged a glance. "What?"

"I can't explain it. It wasn't on here when you came back yesterday and put on the gigai, right?" Urahara asked.

Renji nodded.

Urahara sighed. "I'll run some more tests, see if I can figure out who this belongs to, but it's a long shot. It's not like I have a database of blood samples to compare it to."

They finished breakfast and went out to see everyone at the school before it began. Rukia headed over to Orhime and hugged her, and didn't see Ichigo. The others were standing around outside waiting for the day to begin.

"Where's Ichigo?" she asked.

Orihime shook her head. "Kurosaki-kun is absent today," she said. "He's been acting strange, lately, so maybe he caught the flu."

Rukia nodded. It was possible. Ichigo had been pushing himself really hard with the vizard training. They decided to drop by his house and see how he was, but found his window shut and locked. When they rang the bell, there was likewise no answer. So they left it at that.

Inside, Ichigo was huddled into the corner of the sofa staring at the blank TV. He hadn't been able to move without pain this morning so he told his dad he thought he'd caught a summer cold. He ended up falling asleep there, and his dad and sisters let him stay there and rest, assuming he was indeed just down sick. No one heard him during the night when his nighttime visitor came to him again, this time wrapping his arms down to his waist with the obi and gagging him with the belt. He managed to get upstairs to the bathroom before vomiting again and then sobbing into the hot spray of the shower. Why was he doing this? What for?

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

A week passed, and Renji was stymied by continually coming from his gigai and having his obi or the edges of his shihakuso stained with blood that wasn't his. He was getting mildly concerned, so Urahara set up a camera to see what happened during the night. What they saw surprised them. Renji had come in, got into his gigai, then went about the evening, cleaning up and having dinner as the freeloader that he was. He then laid down on his mat and fell asleep. Then, not fifteen minutes later, his soul form sat up out his gigai and left, flashing away into the night.

Renji sat agape. "But I didn't…I was asleep!"

They forwarded the tape several hours and he came back, his mouth had blood on it this time, which he wiped away as he came in the door. The light was dim, but they could see the dampness on the obi that matched where blood had been on it come morning. Renji sat back and looked at them. "What the hell is happening?" he asked.

Urahara frowned and disappeared with the tape again, telling them to go patrol while he figured things out if he could. They felt a small surge of hollows and headed in the direction only to find Ichigo there already. Considering he should have been in school, it was a bit strange. He was screaming at the hollows as he sliced through them. Rukia winced as he ruthlessly went after them until they were gone and he stood panting on the ground.

Rukia and Renji dropped beside him, and Rukia touched him. She narrowly avoided Zangetsu taking her head off as she ducked a wild swing. He stood blinking at her for a long moment.

"Whoa, hey, sorry!" she said.

Renji grinned. "Man, you in the zone or what? You were on fire."

Ichigo stared at both of them, looking between them. "Yeah," he said, putting Zangetsu back.

Rukia glanced at Renji. "Why aren't you in school? We could have handled it."

Ichigo shook his head. "Stayed home."

Renji frowned. "That's not like you. Aren't you over the flu or whatever?" he asked.

"No," he said, and flashed away before they could say anything else.

Rukia glanced at Renji again and wondered just what that had been about. Mysteries seemed to abound lately, she thought to herself.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Ichigo's head was spinning by the time he got back home and into his body. He shivered. He had been feeling feverish lately, but he didn't want to tell his father. How would he believe him? Oh, yeah, I have this guy, my best friend actually, and he's been sneaking into my room to rape me every night but you can't see him because he's a spiritual being, and I think he might have done something to make me sick. Talk about a one way trip to the looney bin. No one would believe him. Even Rukia wouldn't believe him. Renji acted so…normal, though. He stayed in his room and skipped dinner. He hadn't eaten much since this had all began, and it was beginning to show on his face. He didn't care; he wasn't hungry and felt sick when he ate. Then he couldn't get Renji out of his head when he closed his eyes.

Night came and found him sitting on the floor in the corner of the room watching the window. He wasn't going to be caught unaware this time. No, he was going to wait right here. Of course, exhaustion won out and he was startled again to wakefulness that found him screaming into something soft. A sock again, he thought, but as he came to consciousness he realized he was being carried in a flash step through the town. He tried to wriggle against him, but he was wrapped in his sheet it seemed, and he couldn't move anything. Something tight was cinched around his upper arms, his waist and wrists, and his thighs. He blinked as the world sped by. Where was he taking him?

Moments later they were jumping through the top window of an old warehouse. Renji dropped him onto a bed of…stuff. Ichigo looked around as much as he could in the mummified state he was in, and saw the crushed remains of a staircase. No way out that way. Renji gave him that strange smile and tipped his head to the side.

"Mate. Nest," he said, pointing to the stuff Ichigo was on. He looked and saw it was a collection of soft things. Pillows, blankets, feathers, and…he really hoped that was a stuffed animal and not a dead one…

Ichigo shook his head as Renji kneeled and untied the belt around his thighs. Ichigo tried to kick him but Renji snapped something around his ankle. Ichigo blinked and saw it was a metal shackle that was attached to a chain. The chain was locked around a steel pole in the center of the room.

"Mate, stay," he said and Ichigo's eyes went wide. He meant for him to stay here?

Renji then pulled the rest of the blanket and his clothes off him, leaving the gag for last. He pulled it off and stroked Ichigo's neck where he'd bitten him a few nights before then dove forward and clamped teeth into the wound again. Ichigo yelped at it. However, it wouldn't do any good here. No one was around, no one would hear him.

Renji looked at him. "Mate, noisy mate." He put a finger to his lips and shhhed him again.

Ichigo sat and stared at him. This couldn't be Renji, could it? His thoughts were interrupted as the bigger man pushed him onto his back into the pillows and began licking and biting his neck. Ichigo whimpered and tried not to scream as the thing that looked like Renji took what he wanted again. He wasn't very successful, however.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Renji was shaken away the next day by Rukia. He swatted at her and told her to go away.

"Wake up, dammit, Ichigo's missing!" she said.

He sat up with a gasp. "What?"

He looked over to find Orihime, Uryuu and Chad looking back at him as Rukia stood back. "Come on, get out of the gigai and let's go find him."

Renji nodded and stepped out, and when he did Rukia gasped. Renji blinked and looked down and yelped. Urahara came in and stared at him. His obi was stained deep crimson, and there was blood smudged all over his soul form and all along the white edges.

"Fuck!" Renji said. "It happened again!"

Orihime stepped forward and used her sun sun riki. "You aren't hurt anywhere, Abarai-kun…"

Urahara motioned him into the next room where his instruments were. He turned around the monitor and pulled up the recording from the night before.

"You left at two am, and came back just before sunrise," Urahara said. "You don't remember any of it?"

Renji shook his head. "Okay," Urahara said. "Let's scan you, sit down," he said, and everyone went in the other room to wait for an answer. A minute later they came out, Renji looking slightly pale.

"I have a theory. Renji-san has strong traces of hollow reiatsu. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes there are hollows that are like parasites, they attach themselves to a human or shinigami, and if the body is strong enough, they can use the body's own spiritual energy to move. I'm not sure, though, but if we put a sleeping kido on Renji-san, we should be able to tell if something is using him while he's sleeping. Of course, there is also the possibility that it is an artificially created hollow," he said with a sigh.

"Artifically created hollow?" Rukia said.

"Aizen has done this before, and it is quite possible that he's done something like this to create chaos from afar. It has been far too long since we've heard anything from him," Urahara said. "Come, let's test our theory?"

They took Renji back and had him sit in the exam chair again. Urahara placed the kido on him and they waited. It seemed like a long time but they were startled when Renji stood up. Urahara looked at the others and back to him.

"Renji-san?" he asked.

Renji ignored him and went into the next room, and the others followed him. He began rummaging around the room and retrieved a throw from the sofa then tied it around his waist and went into the kitchen. There, he took the cloth off the table and tied it to the first thing. He went throughout the shoten and looked for things, eventually finding a couple more small blankets. Rukia stepped in front of him.

"What is that for?" Rukia said.

Renji tipped his head to the side and smiled at her. "Mate. Nest," he said in a voice that was not Renji's completely. "Soft," he said, holding up a throw. "Nest." He then went toward the door.

"Ichigo," Urahara said, turning to Rukia. "The hollow…it went after the hollow with the strongest power signature. That's Ichigo."

Orihime looked at him. "But…Kurosaki-kun isn't a hollow…"

Urahara grimaced. "Um, it's a long story, but ah, he's more hollow than any of the other Visored… This makes me even more sure that this is Aizen's meddling. The hollow part of Ichigo…it was also a created hollow, something Aizen created to hollowify shinigami. A long story as to what happened, but we can't be concerned with that right now. Now, more importantly, we have to find out what the hollow that's using Renji took him before the sleeping kido wears off."

They took off after the hollow possessed Renji as fast as they could. Urahara cursed the fact Yoruichi wasn't there today… Finally, they came into an area with several abandoned warehouses, but they'd lost him. Urahara looked at Rukia. "He's somewhere in here. We're going to need help searching all these. Can you go find Toshiro, Rangiku, Ikkaku and Yumichika?"

Rukia nodded and took off to find them while Urahara tried to track Renji's reiatsu or Ichigo's. Just then Renji dropped down in front of him and tipped his head to the side again. "Away mate!" he said. He tapped his chest, "Mate."

Just then there were several flash steps and the rest arrived around him. "No! Mate, mine!" he said, frowning and backing away from the group.

"I said it was a hollow problem, but they don't know…" Rukia said, slightly out of breath.

Urahara nodded. "Look, we aren't going to take your mate. We want to help. Is he hurt? You have blood on you."

Renji looked down at his hands which were indeed bloody. "Mate fine. Mate heal."

That's what Urahara had been afraid of. "No, he's not. He's not a hollow, and you need to take us to him or he's going to be in trouble, don't you understand? Your mate, he'll die."

Renji's head tipped to the side again. "Mate…not heal?" he queried.

Urahara sighed and shook his head. "No. Please, where did you take him?"

Renji's eyes narrowed. "You lie. Mate fine. Mate heal."

Then Renji's eyes closed and he stumbled backward. He blinked and looked around and started to brush his hair back and started. "Oh kami…did you…oh no…" he said, dropping onto the ground with a thump and staring at his hands.

"Renji, you need to relax, getting upset isn't going to find him," Urahara told him.

Renji looked up. "Find who?"

Urahara sighed. "It's a hollow parasite, possibly sent by Aizen. It has been using you when you sleep. You came here with a bunch of blankets and stuff and told us it was for your mate's nest. I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure the hollow went after the most powerful hollow in the area."

"So…this is a hollow's blood? I thought it was human, you said?" Renji said, frowning.

"The hollow he went after is Ichigo, Renji," Urahara said. "It…I think the blood belongs to him."

Renji stared at his hands and then ripped open the front of his kusodo to find blood smeared all over his chest and stomach. "But…but…oh kami," he said and fell back in a dead faint.

He came back around seconds later, staring at the sky. "Are you okay?" Rukia asked.

"No, not at all. That means…when we saw him at that game…after the first time I found my obi covered in blood…that I…what did I do?" he said quietly.

Rukia helped him up. "You didn't do anything. We aren't sure what the hollow did."

"Kill it," he said, shaking his head. "Even if you have to kill me too," he said, looking at Urahara.

"It won't come to that, but we need to keep it alive for now in case we can't find Ichigo. I think I should be able to kill it with a kido once we find Ichigo. For now, we've got to canvas these buildings. We know you came to this area, but there are a lot of warehouses and a lot of floors to go through. I want to try and find him without letting the hollow control you again on the chance he will hurt him if we try to get to him with it awake," Urahara said as they each took off in a different direction. By the time it started to get dark, they'd only gotten halfway through.

"Renji, I hate to do it, but we're going to need to see if he'll lead us to him. I'm going to put you under the kido again, and everyone else will stay out of sight and tail him. Send up a reiatsu burst as soon as you find Ichigo," Urahara said and Renji nodded.

Urahara cast the kido and left to go to the top of the next building. As expected, he got up and flashed off. The hidden shinigami followed him, finally as he jumped to the top floor of a building and looked around for anyone following. He slipped into it. Yumichika flared his reiatsu and followed into the building. He felt the others close behind as he navigated the fallen debris and abandoned boxes and plastic curtaining. He paused when he came to a large opening and saw Renji crouched in the middle of a huge pile of things looking down into it at something…or someone.

A moment later, he felt Ikkaku's hand on his shoulder, followed by Urahara who came up next to him. Toshiro and Rangiku weren't far behind with Rukia. Urahara watched as Renji jumped off the pile and began to move some of the blankets around and then jumped back up.

"Mate heal," he demanded into the center of what Urahara guessed was the hollow's nest it had made. "Mate! He lie. Mate heal!"

Urahara motioned the others to circle around. They hadn't had any show of what power, if any, this parasite hollow had infused Renji with, but he didn't want to take any chances and get someone injured in the process. Renji had gone down into the pile now, and they could see his shoulders and head when he crouched down. They heard a rattle of a chain. Urahara's brows furrowed and he saw a chain connected to a pole in the center of the room. That's how he left him alone…Urahara thought to himself.

He heard Renji growl and sit back. "Mate?" he said, softer. Urahara held up his hand to stop the others from moving in and Urahara moved forward. Renji startled and stood.

"He's not healing, is he?" Urahara said softly, holding both hands up.

Renji frowned and looked down. "Why?" he said and looked back up at Urahara.

"He's not a hollow, not like you, you've been too rough with him, I imagine," Urahara said softly, almost to the edge of the pile now.

Renji frowned again and glanced down. "No kit?"

Urahara paused. "Kit?" he said softly.

"Mate no make Kit," he said, tipping his head to the side. "Try, no kit."

Urahara swallowed. "He can't, no. Is that what you were trying to do? Have a kit?"

Renji nodded. "Lonely," he said.

"Can I help him?" Urahara said, starting to worry a lot more. If Ichigo was there, he wasn't moving, and not making any noise.

Renji crouched and looked at him and shook his head. "Mine!"

"I'm sorry," Urahara said, and motioned a wordless kido to bind him. Renji screamed and there was movement in the nest. The others ran forward. He looked at Rukia. "Wake him up," he yelled as he moved and jumped down into the nest to see what he was going to find.

Renji's world began to come back into focus slowly and he blinked, finding he was bound in the yellow kido. He shook his head. "I'm awake, did we find him?" he asked, blinking. The kido faded and he leaped forward to where Urahara was in the nest and gasped.

"Oh no…is…what…" Renji stammered.

Urahara was in the process of wrapping one of the blankets around Ichigo. He was heavily unconscious and hot with a fever, but more than that, he looked bruised and was bleeding from several wounds on his neck and shoulders. Urahara looked up.

"Renji, no, you go back, let Orihime know we're coming and we need her help, quickly." He turned to Ikkaku. "Break this," he said, indicating the chain that was connected to his ankle across to the pole. Ikkaku nodded and broke it apart just as Renji disappeared toward the windows.

They made it back as quickly as they could and found Renji pacing with Orihime sitting in one of the rooms. In short order she had thrown her shield over him and was doing her best to help heal the damage. Urahara motioned the others into the kitchen. He looked at Renji.

"Here," he said and put his fingers to Renji's forehead. There was a flash and a black butterfly flew away out of it.

"Renji, you…it…was trying to…" Urahara stopped, unsure how to tell him this. "Renji, it was trying to have a kit."

Renji frowned. "Huh?"

Rukia gasped and put a hand to her mouth. "Oh, Kami, that's why he was acting so weird…if…oh no…Renji…"

Renji shook his head. "I don't understand."

Urahara sighed. "The hollow…it thought Ichigo was its mate."

Renji nodded. "Yeah, built a nest and everything."

"It wanted a kit, a cub, whatever you want to call it, it referred to it as a kit," Urahara said. "I think it was programmed by Aizen to seek out the hollow inside Ichigo, the one he'd created before, but instead of being like normal hollows that only are driven to consume, this one was driven to try to procreate instead."

Renji nodded. "Okay…so what does…but wait, it wanted…that means…no. That's not possible. Wouldn't he have said something or done something?"

Orhime came in looking distraught. "I can't do any more; I cleared up the infection that was causing the fever and all the wounds. I think he'll be okay…but…"

"We know, Orihime," Urahara said quietly.

Renji sat staring at his still bloody hands. How was he supposed to deal with this? Ichigo was his best friend… And he'd done something so terrible to him that he couldn't even comprehend it.

"I…I…oh kami…" he muttered and buried his face in his hands, unsure of anything.


	2. broken notes

**Through My Open Window**

* * *

**Chapter Two**

_broken notes_

faith in life  
it died in my hands  
last night.  
ending everything  
all at once.  
out of tune  
nails on the chalkboard  
that is your mind  
but is it your mind  
or has it become mine?  
my notes scathe across your ears  
incorrect pitch  
like a scream in the night  
for help but no one comes.  
like an endless stream of  
things through your mind  
cold and frigid  
but is there life therein?  
or has it all died?  
notes like bloody ice  
crumble and break  
melting into crimson rivers  
of fire  
to light the depths  
of the oppressive  
night.  
~*~Brenda K. Sims~*~

* * *

Rukia was at a loss for what to do. She couldn't comprehend what had just happened. She sat in the room where Ichigo was sleeping, or unconscious, she wasn't sure which, and in the end it didn't really matter which it was. She hadn't even bothered with her gigai. She was sitting cross-legged beside her friend and didn't know what condition he was going to wake up in. She could only imagine what both he and Renji were going though, only Renji couldn't remember any of it. She leaned back on her hands and for the first time was so lost for what to do she could barely stand it.

The door slid open and Urahara peeked in. "Rukia-san, please, I would like your help. Inoue-san is here and can sit with him in case he wakes."

She nodded, standing and leaving as Orihime walked in, her own face stricken as she sat down beside Ichigo. She went into the next room to find Renji in a much similar state.

"What is it that you want me for?" she asked with a sigh as she came in.

Urahara nodded, his act of joviality and coy innocence completely forgotten. "I wish to restore Renji's memories of what happened."

Rukia blinked. "What? Why? Won't that…I mean…"

Renji shook his head. "Rukia, I have to know. We're guessing right now. I mean, the evidence is pretty damn sure, but I have to _know_. It was my body that was used, my mind may have been asleep, but Urahara thinks he can bring the latent memories to the surface. If I know what happened…maybe I can…figure out how to deal with it."

Rukia gave her friend a pained smile. "If you're sure, Renji. I mean, I can't deny you knowing. And we don't even know if Ichigo will be willing to tell us when he wakes. It…may be for the best."

A few minutes later, they had arranged things, and brought Tessai down to help with the complicated kido that they would be casting on Renji. Tessai warned them that the effects of unlocking something of that nature was going to be very unpredictable, and since the hollow had an animal's mind, that would be what Renji remembered.

Renji closed his eyes and waited for a long time and then felt the buzzing sensation in his head. There was a flash behind his eyes and his head dropped back, eyes wide and glassy as the world in his mind shifted and changed.

_Simple thoughts raced through his mind at once. Where, where is that… Renji saw himself, fighting a hollow he vividly remembered, and he realized that he was seeing through the hollow's eyes. It had been easy to fight, and he'd been slashed by the barbed tendril. It had been a very minor wound, but that had been when it transferred into him. A sickening feeling and then he was watching the world from his own eyes for a second, then sleep seemed to claim him, or rather, it. _

_Then he was leaving the shoten. The mind raced with a single thought. Find mate. That was it, and it was following a visible scent that was floating through the air. Mate…it repeated. Hurry, before another comes to claim Mate before me… Everything made perfect sense as he zipped through the air, the world flashing by him and then he was sitting on the ledge of a familiar window where the curling smell was coming from inside._

_Renji wanted to scream no, leave him alone, but of course, this was a memory and no such thing could happen. He slipped through the window seeing the orange headed shinigami substitute sleeping deeply in his bed. Mate, yes, mate…the thought burned through Renji's mind and his stomach turned. He was already untying the obi and wrapping it around Ichigo's wrists securing them. Mate, strong mate, strong mate fight… Take mate. Make mine. There was an overarching feeling on intense loneliness that seemed to be associated with the thoughts. He crawled over him then, staring into his face until he watched as Ichigo's eyes opened in surprise and shock. He heard his voice, and Renji understood the words, but the hollow didn't know what he was saying. He felt the annoyance flood the simple mind. Noisy mate, it thought and reached down to grab a pair of socks, shoving one into his mouth and tying it tight with the other._

_Renji read the annoyance in Ichigo's face slowly changing to fear. He was starting to realize that this wasn't a joke or a prank. He started screaming at him through the gag and trying to kick him. Again, the hollow grew annoyed and got off the bed, grabbing Ichigo's belt. Noisy mate, moves too much. Stop mate. And he cinched the belt around his ankles and moved up behind him. Renji wanted to scream as he watched himself do something he never would do to anyone, let alone someone he considered his best friend… When he was done, he felt his face smile and the thought was so simple as happiness flooded the simple minded hollow. Good mate, good mate, mine. His hand reached up and untied the blood soaked obi and left him. Mate need nest, he though and he watched as the rest of the night consisted of him stealing various things from houses and taking them to the nest they'd found._

_Renji remembered the next day going back to Soul Society. Then the hollow would wake and not scent the mate and would grow annoyed and return to sleep, unable to return because he didn't know the way._

_Then to his horror he watched as he went every night to him. The hollow's simple mind only filled with a deep need to create life within the mate. It was growing frustrated that the mate didn't seem to have a kit yet, and forced himself with more and more violence upon him, growing annoyed and angry because Ichigo kept fighting him and trying to scream at him to stop. The hollow was growing irritated because the mate should submit and be docile, not fight him anymore. Maybe the mate was upset that he was not in a next yet. Then the hollow decided that he would just take his mate the nest to get his desired result. Then he was confused as to why he didn't respond afterward. Renji knew that Ichigo was sick, his face red and flush and radiating a feverish heat. The hollow yelled again and again to him to heal. The hollow was growing more and more annoyed at his mate, and Renji could sense that the hollow was becoming unstable more and more by the moment._

Renji sat up and sobbed a long gasping breath, feeling arms around him he knew to be Rukia's.

"Oh kami, no….no…" he muttered, turning and burying his face into Rukia's chest trying desperately to get his breathing under control. "Rukia, he's going to hate me…he'll never…how could he even stand to see me…"

"Renji, what did the hollow do?" Urahara said, already having his suspicions confirmed by the extreme reaction to the memories that Renji was having.

Renji shook his head. "It wanted a mate, and it was the night with that hollow that had all those tendril arms, remember? It barely scratched me. That's when it got into me. That night, before we were called back the next day, remember we saw Ichigo at the field and you said he looked upset about something. That was after…after it…it attacked him the first time… It followed this visual smell to him, like a rope almost and it was thinking that a good mate fights, so it tied him with my obi, and then it just kept getting annoyed that he was talking, he thought it was a joke at first, Rukia, he thought it was me and I was messing with him, even when…when it…" Renji stopped and swallowed hard. "It got so mad that Ichigo kept trying to kick it, to push him off, he just kept binding him up further and further until…" Renji took a gasping breath almost unable to breath. "Then…it got so mad because he wasn't with a kit yet, and that he was still fighting him. And he was building that nest, for when the kit came, it just was so sure about that, that he would have a kit soon. It was the only thought it had. And then it kept getting madder and madder at Ichigo…and more violent and more forceful. Then he took him to the nest, thinking he had to be there, but then he was mad because he was sick…"

Urahara nodded, patting Renji on the back. "I was afraid that was the case. Hollows are not known to take no for an answer. They're animals on a base level. I'm not surprised that it would have reacted that way to Ichigo being unable to bear young. It wouldn't understand the difference in males and females because hollows don't have genders…and a strong hollow mate would fight rather than be mated, but then it would be angry because after he mated, he should have stopped fighting."

Renji stood up and started to pace, his hands threaded through his now messy red hair. "I can't…what…how… I should have known something was wrong! Why was I so stupid? Waking up with blood on me, what kind of _idiot_ doesn't realize something bad is happening with that? I could have done something…I could have stopped this…"

Rukia put her hands on his arms and stopped him. "Renji, none of that is going to help Ichigo. Or you."

Renji frowned. "Me? I wasn't the victim, Ichigo was…"

Urahara put a hand on Renji's shoulder. "No, you are too. You are just as much the victim, Renji, please, you have to remember that."

"But I wasn't…and he was…so he…"

"No, Renji, don't do this to yourself," Rukia said softly. "You were used to hurt him. You were forced just as much as he was."

Renji didn't buy it, though, but he gave her a nod. He wasn't the victim. No, Ichigo was the victim, not him. He was fine. He was going to be fine. Ichigo was going to be the one that needed help, not him. Rukia looked at Urahara. "They can't stay here, Ichigo's going to be in who knows what condition, and Renji's not going to be worth anything for hollow hunting."

"I'm fine," Renji said, shaking his head.

"You aren't fine anymore than Ichigo is going to be fine when he wakes up. Don't argue with me," she said giving him a glare that brokered no argument.

Urahara nodded. "I think both may be better off in Soul Society. I need more tests on Renji to confirm if it was indeed something that came from Aizen. And we don't know what, if anything, it did to Ichigo that we don't know about yet."

Rukia nodded. "What about Ichigo's family?"

Urahara heard a light knock on the door. "Enter," he called, and both Renji and Rukia were shocked to see Isshin Kurosaki standing there in his typical Hawaiian shirt and slacks. His face, however, was lacking the jovial look they were used to seeing.

"Isshin-san, thank you for coming," Urahara said as he walked in. He glanced at Rukia and Renji, both in their shinigami forms. "And yes, he can see and hear you."

"Has he awakened yet?" Isshin asked Urahara.

"Not yet, but we expect it any time. I was correct, I retrieved Renji's memories. The hollow was very simple minded and planted with a drive to procreate instead of consume. I believe it was sent to target White," he said with a deep sigh.

Isshin nodded. "I was afraid you were going to say that. He had become withdrawn and stopped going to the warehouse to train with Shinji."

Rukia stared wide eyed. "Wait, you know about Ichigo?"

Isshin nodded solemnly. "Since the first day when you tried to replace the memories of my family. Actually, I had known well before then, but I wasn't sure how things would play out. I had been afraid something like that would happen from the day Grand Fisher killed his mother. His power was awakening on its own and drawing in the hollows. His soul was far too powerful at that age. I should have seen it and had Urahara intervene sooner."

Renji and Rukia were both speechless. Urahara smiled. "There will be much explaining, but Isshin-san was captain of the tenth division before he gave up his life in Soul Society to become savior to Masaki, Ichigo's mother, and bind the hollow that was attempting to take her over from within. She was a Quincy, not a shinigami, and the hollow was Aizen's creation. That is the hollow that is inside Ichigo now and supplies part of his powers."

"Still, that is needless here nor there, the question is what are we going to do now?" Isshin said, looking at Urahara.

"His safest bet is to go to Soul Society where I can work with Unohana-taichou to figure out what, if anything, the hollow did to him that we haven't seen," Urahara said with a nod. "And Renji-san needs to be seen to as well."

Renji groaned. "Look, I'm fine, I'll be fine, take care of him, I…I don't need…he's the one who was…was…oh kami…I'm going to be sick," he said, turning and bolting for the bathroom. Rukia took off after him.

Isshin looked at Urahara. "So it was as you suspected when you called this morning?"

Urahara nodded. "Renji is still trying to accept the fact that he was used to rape his best friend. And from what he said, the hollow was becoming increasingly aggressive and violent because of Ichigo's seeming inability to produce offspring that it desired, and the fact he continued to fight him instead of submitting once it claimed him as mate. It was quite confused, from what I can tell."

"You purified it?" Isshin asked, looking toward the window.

"I had to, we weren't sure if it would grow more powerful and more violent. It was a danger to Ichigo and Renji. I have enough readings though to get any information we need," he said, smiling wanly at Isshin. "What do you think we should expect?"

Isshin shook his head. "With Ichigo? Who knows? I imagine he'll blame himself for it. Somehow, he'll turn it around to having been his fault. He will no doubt try to play off the fact that Renji was more violated than he was, and will attempt to forgo any help."

Urahara nodded. "I would tend to agree. What did you see before today?"

"He was withdrawn, and claimed to have the flu so he could stay home. He wouldn't leave the house and he'd taken to locking himself in his room. When I went up earlier, I found he'd been keeping his window locked tight even in the heat. He'd also tried to get rid of his bedding, but he obviously wasn't thinking clearly because he just threw it in the outside trash bin. I'm honestly surprised he didn't end up in the hospital as much of a fever as he had. I'd been giving him medicine for that, and he kept saying it was just the flu and refused to let me examine him. I'm guessing he developed an infection from the first time the hollow attacked him."

"Now if we could just get Renji to believe that it was a hollow and not him that attacked Ichigo…" he said, looking out the door.

"Considering Rukia still blames herself for Kaien's death…do you honestly think it will be easy?" Isshin said, remembering all too vividly when his clansmate was killed by Rukia's blade after the hollow that took over his body had forced her to do so.

Urahara shook his head. "Renj's claim he's fine is obviously false. He's not fine. I have a feeling we're going to be dealing with both of them trying to ignore their own pain out of sympathy for the other."

Isshin nodded solemnly at Urahara. "I think it is best that he doesn't know about me yet," Isshin said. "I'm not sure he could take that much right now. I'm sure Renji and Rukia can no doubt be trusted. I haven't been seen by the others yet. I'll leave him in your hands…but if you have to, send for me. I'll bring the girls through if I must."

"What will you tell them?" Urahara asked. "Mid school year and he disappears?"

"I'll tell them he's gone on a trip with his friends. They're used to his absences by now," he said with a nod. "I should go then before Uryuu or Orihime see me. Are they in the room with him?"

"I believe so. Orihime went in to relieve Rukia, and I believe Ishida-san went in a few minutes later to keep her company," Urahara said with a nod as Renji came back in with Rukia. He was looking much paler than he had been before.

Rukia looked at Isshin. "Are you staying?"

Isshin shook his head. "No, it is best that I keep this from him and his sisters for now. Please don't tell him about me just yet. He has enough to deal with without knowing about me just yet."

He nodded to them and left quietly, leaving the door open as he went. Urahara looked at the two of them. "Rukia, it may be best if you wait for him to awaken, Orihime and Ishida-san are in there with him."

Rukia nodded, watching as Renji sat down with a pained look on his face on the futon. She could tell Urahara wanted to speak with him more. She silently pushed open the sliding door into the room where Ichigo was on the futon, still out completely. Orihime and Uryuu were sitting beside each other, neither one speaking or trying to look at their unconscious friend. Both looked up at the noise and stood, coming to her at the doorway.

"Kuchiki-kun," Orihime whispered. "How is Abarai-kun?"

Rukia shook her head. "What do you two know so far?"

Uryuu and Orhime glanced at each other. "Abarai-kun came and got me and said I needed to come heal Kurosaki-kun immediately, but he didn't want to talk and he looked pale. And then they brought Kurosaki-kun in…and…I…"

Rukia nodded. "You saw the injuries he had."

Orihime swallowed hard and looked over at him and back to Rukia. "Th-there was a bad infection, inside him, and there was a lot of blood everywhere, and…and…what happened?"

Rukia sighed and closed her eyes. "Renji was possessed by a parasitic hollow. It took over his body at night while Renji slept. It…we think it was programmed and sent by Aizen to be led to the hollow inside Ichigo…that's a long story…but…instead of seeking to consume like the hollows normally do, it was driven to seek out a mate and…procreate. It…it started to get more violent with Ichigo after he kept trying to fight him off, and it got angry that he wasn't cooperating like it thought its mate should. It built this nest for him in an old warehouse and took off with him, thinking if it took him to the nest, Ichigo would stop fighting and give it a…child."

Orihime had paled considerably. "What?"

Uryuu looked slightly ill as well. "You mean, it…it thought Ichigo was another hollow?"

Rukia nodded. "Yeah that's basically what it was. If this was Aizen's doing…"

All three of them started when they heard motion from Ichigo's position. Rukia ran over and kneeled down beside him while Uryuu and Orihime did something similar on the opposite side of the futon.

"Ichigo?" Rukia said softly.

His brows scrunched and he groaned, rolling his head and then his eyes snapped open wide. He stared at her for a minute and the turned to look on the other side and saw both Orihime and Uryuu. Rukia had expected him to be jumpy, but what she didn't expect was him to scramble off the futon away from them as soon as he became fully aware of who was around him. His brain wasn't quite on fully, and there was a huge part of him wondering if the rest of his friends had gone insane like Renji had, and he didn't want to find out.

"Ichigo, please, wait," Rukia said as he put himself into the furthest area of the room from them. He honestly didn't want to deal with anything at the moment. "Wait, it's us, we're not going to hurt you, no one is, we…we found out what happened, okay? It was a hollow. He was being controlled by a parasite hollow. You're at Urahara's right now, okay? Inoue healed you when we got you back after we found you, you were really sick. Look, please, try to calm down.

Ichigo swallowed and his eyes shifted between each of them and his mind tried to determine whether there was truth in her words. She was talking, so that meant she wasn't like Renji. It made sense. If it was a hollow, then that would make sense why Renji would act that way, why he would do those things. He slowly slid down the wall he was against and pulled his knees into his chest and watched them.

"Stay over there," he said finally, dropping his chin onto his knees. "Just…stay there."

Rukia nodded and glanced at Orihime and Uryuu who were both extremely confused by his strange behavior. She nodded again at them and kneeled down on the floor. Both Orihime and Uryuu followed suite. The door slid open a few moments later and Ichigo's eyes snapped onto Urahara.

"Ichigo," Urahara said, noting the distance between him and the others. "I'm not going to come any closer than Rukia-san, okay?"

Ichigo nodded slightly and watched him as he kneeled down beside her. "I'm glad to see you awake. We were getting worried about you. Did Rukia tell you about the hollow?"

Ichigo again only nodded, his eyes continually jumping between each of them. "Good. I know it is hard to understand, but when you are ready, we have some videos that we took of Renji-san…" at the word he noted the shudder that went through Ichigo. "He wasn't in control. The hollow…it was looking for a mate, and it honed in on your hollow. We don't know exactly why, yet. I have all the information to figure it out, but I have to go to Soul Society with both of you so I can see it there is any damage I can't find here."

"I don't want to leave," he said softly.

Urahara nodded. "I know, Ichigo, but it is for the best, if there is something going on I can't find here…"

Ichigo nodded, still keeping his eyes shifting between them all. "You understand, right?" Urahara asked. "You understand that Renji wasn't in control, right?"

Ichigo nodded. "I…I think I knew that from the beginning…" he said quietly. "I…should have come to you but I was afraid if…if it was him, he'd get in trouble…and I didn't want that…I wanted him to go back to the way he was b-before…"

Urahara was cursing the fact that everyone he knew was so willing to martyr themselves for everyone else around them. "That's okay, it really is. But now, we've got to get you both better again."

Ichigo shook his head. "M'fine. J-just make sure that thing is gone…"

Rukia and Urahara both let out a long suffering sigh. "Ichigo, you aren't fine, and neither is Renji, no matter how much you both say it. We released Renji's memories, so he knows what happened, though his memories are clouded by the simple mind of the hollow. It really only had one drive, to create…"

"Kit, wanted a kit…" Ichigo said, his eyes going slightly glassy. "All he said…that and I…I was noisy, he didn't like that at all…or that I didn't want him, he got really mad and yelled and…" He blinked and looked back at them. "Doesn't matter what it wanted, it's gone now."

"We're heading to Soul Society in a few hours. Do you want anything from your house?" Urahara said, taking a firmer tone. Rukia glanced at him with a confused look.

Ichigo shook his head. "No…but pop…"

"I'll take care of it, why don't you get some rest, we'll be just outside the door, okay?" he said, standing and reaching for Rukia's hand. She frowned, but went with him, and Uryuu and Orihime followed out into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, he wasn't going to agree. I know it was a little harsh, but staying here will do him no good," Urahara said as he flipped over a monitor from under the cabinet. He clicked a button and the inside of the room came to life. Ichigo hadn't moved from the wall he'd sat down against. "Please, Rukia-san, can you go through and get clearance for us to come through the Kuchiki Senkaimon?"

She nodded and headed out and went through. Urahara sat and watched Ichigo in the room in silence with Orihime and Uryuu across the table. He sat against the wall and eventually started to rock back and forth just slightly, pulling his legs even tighter into his chest.

"He's not doing well," Urahara said sadly.

"What can we do?" Orhime asked softly.

Urahara shook his head. "I wish I knew, Inoue-san, I wish I knew. Until I do more testing, I don't know if there are any direct effects of the hollow's assaults. I…I'm most worried about the fact it was driven to procreate so desperately. Renji said it was almost the only thought in it's head."

"But it can't have done that with Ichigo, I mean, he's a guy," Uryuu said, frowning as he watched the monitor.

They all started when Ichigo jumped on the screen, spinning around and looking around him with wild eyes. He then settled back against the wall, glancing about again. Urahara guess there had been some noise he'd heard that startled him.

"I wish that was entirely true, Ishida-san, hollows are genderless, remember?" Urahara said, leaning back and scratching his blonde head under his hat.

Orhime gasped. "That…that could happen? But how?"

Urahara sighed. "Let's not worry yet, okay? I have a lot of tests to run before I can even begin to hypothesize on that issue."

Rukia came back shortly. "I brought two hell butterflies for Inoue and Ishida," Rukia said.

"Rukia and I will go through with Ichigo. Renji should go through with you two first. Rukia, did you inform Byakuya what happened?" he asked, turning to her.

She smiled. "Uh, I told him there had been an incident with a hollow involving Ichigo and Renji and we needed to come to Soul Society immediately with you. I figured I'd let you explain."

Urahara nodded and went and got Renji from the other room and asked him to take Orihime and Uryuu through and that they'd meet him on the other side. Urahara and Rukia went in where Ichigo was sitting and staring into space.

"Time to go," Urahara said and held up his cane. Ichigo looked up and nodded, letting him force his spirit form out.

The minute he came out of his body, he fell to his knees and started to dry heave with wide eyes. Rukia dropped down beside him as he gagged and sputtered. He was having trouble getting his breath too, taking gasping breaths for air.

"Ichigo!" Rukia said, gasping.

Urahara started to say something and then felt the senkaimon open and close again and Ichigo fell to his side, heaving long breaths, clutching his stomach.

"Urahara-san!" came Orihime's voice. He frowned and stepped out where Uryuu was holding up a gasping Renji.

"It was like he couldn't breathe once the senkaimon shut, but as soon as we were back here, he started breathing again…" Uryuu said with wide eyes.

Urahara looked back into the room where Rukia had got Ichigo to sitting up on his knees and back in the hall where Renji was starting to stand up off Uryuu.

"Oh… this could be a problem…" Urahara said, glancing between the two again.


	3. Take My Hand

**Chapter Three**

* * *

_Take My Hand_

I'm reaching out to you.  
Take my hand.  
I'll pull you up.  
I'll hold you in my arms,  
so safe and warm.  
I'll chase away the fear.  
I'll keep away the night.  
I'll kiss way the pain.  
I'll love away the fright.  
There will be no one  
who will hurt you again.  
There will be no one  
who will make you cry again.  
In the sweet, velvet dark,  
lay your tears upon my cheek.  
In the dark, lay upon my breast,  
like a child ever so meek.  
Let out all of your tears,  
Let out all of your fears.  
I'll hold you so tight,  
until the daylight breaks,  
and the dark is gone,  
and so are the shakes.  
I give you all my love  
I will take you above  
all the pain you've ever known.  
I'll give you love you've never been shown.  
All you have to do,  
is take my hand.  
~*~Brenda K. Sims~*~

* * *

"We've got to take them through at the same time," Urahara said. "This might be even worse than I was imagining…" he said, coming into the room where Ichigo was starting to stand.

"I can't…" he said, stumbling backward. "This…it's too much, I wanna go home. I just want to see my dad, I don't want to go anywhere right now," he said, panting and looking up just in time for Urahara to place two fingers on his forehead and send him into sleep.

He then picked him up and tossed him easily over his shoulder to Rukia's shock. He stopped. "I don't have time to deal with him right now, and we have to get them to Soul Society under Unohana's care. I've got a couple theories, but I can't do anything here. I need Unohana-san and Mayuri-san."

She stared. "But he doesn't want to go. He wants to go home…"

Urahara shook his head sadly. "I know, Rukia, but I've got a suspicion he may not be able to go home for quite a while. I'll have to send for Isshin-san. I can't do anything until I figure out what's happened for certain."

Renji by now had recovered and was standing beside Uryuu and Orihime outside as Urahara came out with Ichigo slung over his shoulder and an obviously irate looking Rukia. Urahara shook his head at the questioning look he got form the redhead. "No time, let's hurry."

Renji opened the senkaimon and they headed through in silence. Renji glanced back at Rukia now and then to see her annoyed expression hadn't changed. Urahara, on the other hand was moving like a man with a mission. He had a few very specific ideas on what had happened, and none of them were ideal. They exited and Urahara turned to them.

"Renji, get to the fourth, immediately. I'm taking him ahead," he said and flashed away.

Renji turned to Rukia with an arched brow. "What happened?"

"He couldn't breathe all of a sudden, and then you couldn't breathe either and then Urahara told him we had to leave and Ichigo wanted to go home, he didn't want to come here. Urahara put him to sleep to bring him anyway," she said, crossing her arms.

"Kuchiki-kun, it may be best, if he can't be seen to in our world," Orihime said with a sigh, watching as Renji hurried off.

"He still shouldn't have taken him when he didn't want to come here," she said walking slowly, followed by Orihime and Uryuu who were both quiet.

When they got there, they found the place in chaos already. Fourth personnel were running everywhere in a rush. Uryuu, Orihime, and Rukia stood at the entrance slightly dumbfounded until a hand dropped on Rukia's shoulder.

"Nii-sama!" she exclaimed, looking up to see her brother.

Byakuya, as always looked unfazed. "What has happened? You were not very detailed when you come by to ask for use of the senkaimon but it is obvious that you have caused quite the disturbance here."

"Nii-sama…ah…Urahara-san said he would explain it to you once he knew…"

Just then Renji came streaking out of the back, half dressed and rushing toward the bathroom, looking more than a little ill.

Urahara stuck his head out of the room he'd come from. "Renji-san? Don't get sick before the toilet, Renji-san!" he called. "And hurry back, we're not done yet!"

Rukia took off toward the room where Urahara was at to find Ichigo laying out on a bed, strapped down at wrist and ankle on the exam bed. A second bed was recently vacated. She glanced over to Urahara, who had his back to her, and Unohana who was looking over some readings on a paper. She looked up and gave the group at the door a wan smile and turned back to Ichigo's prone form. A minute later Rukia looked up to see Renji leaning on her with wide eyes before he went back in and slumped into the bed.

"What's wrong?" Rukia asked, glancing from Renji to the other two in the room.

"Ah, Renji-san is not taking well to the news…" Urahara muttered absentmindedly as he went over to the red-head and eased him back onto the bed. "Now, now, I know it is a shock, but you have to calm yourself…"

Byakuya spoke up. "Urahara, I would like to know what has happened to my fuku-taichou."

Urahara looked up. "Ah, Byakuya…ah, it would be easier to show than to tell. Unohana-taichou, if you would…" he said, backing up.

Unohana smiled and cast a kido. When she did, there was a flash and they could see something that looked like spirit ribbon connecting Ichigo to Renji, only it was scintillating and multi-colored.

"What is that?" Rukia asked.

"Something rare," Urahara said. "A spiritual binding. Watch," he said, waving a hand through it. It dissipated then reconnected together. "Now watch," he said, taking out his Zanpakutou and placing the shikai blade in the ribbon. Both Ichigo and Renji arched and started gasping for breath. He removed it and they went to normal breathing.

"Dammit, stop that!" Renji gasped clutching his chest. "That hurts!"

"_Gomen_, Renji, but they needed to see. It cannot be severed," Urahara said with a sigh. The kido faded and so did their view of the spirit ribbon.

"How did that happen?" Byakuya asked stoically.

"My best guess is that the hollow that took over Renji-san was similar to the one that took over Shiba-fukutaichou. It wasn't as powerful, however, and it only had a very animalistic intellect. It was programmed with one thing in mind, to attach itself to the signature of White, the other hollow that Aizen had created, the one that shares Ichigo's soul," Urahara said with a deep sigh.

Rukia frowned. "White?"

Urahara nodded. "It is a long story, but Ichigo was born with a hollow that was transferred from his mother, Masaki Kurosaki. Ichigo's father, Isshin Shiba, saved Masaki by binding his soul to her and giving up his shinigami powers to become more human. For many years we've waited to see what would happen to Ichigo. Both of us sensed the power inside him, the child of a powerful shinigami and an equally powerful Quincy. He carries the legacy of both. Aizen knew this, and I feel that when Ichigo was revealed to him he decided to try and destroy him by releasing this hollow to target him specifically. It was subtle, and likely untraceable to him. The hollow would have eventually killed Ichigo if we hadn't figured out what was happening with Renji-san."

Byakuya glanced at Renji who sat on the bed staring across at Ichigo. "I'm not sure what happened even still Urahara. How did this 'attach' to Ichigo's soul?"

Renji looked pallid. "I'm…going to be sick again," he muttered.

Unohana sighed and moved over and pressed her fingers to his head and he sighed. "This should calm your nerves, Abarai-fukutaichou."

Renji nodded, still looking quite unwell. Rukia moved into the room and sat beside him, putting an arm around his back. Orihime and Uryuu remained outside the room and quietly watched.

"The hollow was programmed with one desire, to find the hollow White; Renji described it as following a rope or ribbon of scent that led directly to Ichigo. Once the hollow found it, his secondary objective came into play, releasing the animal drives to procreate," Urahara said, leaning back and sighing.

Byakuya blinked. "What?" he said calmly.

Urahara nodded. "Insidious plan, no matter what the result of it, Ichigo would be irreparably damaged and likely whoever the hollow infected as well, rending them both useless in the coming war. And if the soul binding took, which you saw it did, they cannot be separated from each other without dying. Of course, then, on reaching here, I confirmed my deepest fears since I released Renji-san's memories earlier today."

Urahara cast another kido and above Ichigo a ball of some sort fizzled into existence, surrounded by what appeared to be his internal organs. "This is a reiatsu chamber. Inside, is something we can't identify yet, but it is growing. It achieved its objective, this is something that shouldn't be able to exist, but as you can see it does. The hollow somehow breeched Ichigo's human defenses and actually united with White to create a new life. What form that life will take, I honestly don't know. It could be hollow completely, or it could be vizard like Ichigo, or it could be something entirely new…"

Renji gasped and Byakuya looked at him seeing the obvious distress. "I did that…I…I made that and I didn't…I couldn't…how…how could I do…to him, he's my best friend, I can't…what…"

Rukia could tell he was painfully close to hyperventilating. "Breathe Renji," she said.

"But…but…how do I…it…oh kami…what…what's he gonna…he's gonna hate me, and I…I don't know what…oh Kami…I want to die…how can I live with this, how can he ever look at me and…"

Unohana placed a hand on his back and her fingers on his forehead and he slumped backward in sleep. She sighed and laid him on the bed. Rukia sat beside him and sighed, brushing her hands over his head.

"What does this mean for them?" Byakuya asked.

Urahara sighed, sitting on the foot of the bed Ichigo was confined in. "I don't know. Ichigo's state of mind is erratic, at best. He was withdrawn and avoidant to the extreme before we left. I had no choice but to put him out to get him to go through at the same time as Renji, separating them was not an option as neither could breathe the moment the doorway closed."

Byakuya looked for a moment. "Exactly what did Renji do under the influence of this hollow that is making him act like this?" Byakuya had his own assumptions but he wanted to hear the truth before he went any further.

Urahara sighed again, taking off his hat and rubbing his hands through his hair. "We're unsure exactly, Renji didn't give us details, but considering the state that Ichigo was in when we recovered him from the nest the hollow had created, it was over a week or more. Renji would leave a few minutes after going to sleep and return just before dawn. He would come back to the shoten with blood on him, usually his obi and I'm not sure where else. He wouldn't discuss it. Ichigo had deep wounds in his wrists, ankles, and bruising around his neck, that was the most alarming thing. The hollow seemed greatly annoyed with Ichigo, who he claimed as his mate, because he didn't become submissive to it immediately."

Urahara sighed again, remembering Renji's face as he spoke, the absolute horror at what had happened. "Renji and Ichigo both mentioned it said he was too 'noisy', which was obvious by the wounds around Ichigo's mouth where he'd been gagged. They weren't severe but it was obvious. They both mentioned him wanting a 'kit' and Renji said it was annoyed that Ichigo wasn't seemingly with a kit yet. He was becoming increasingly violent with him, Renji said. What that meant, I'm not sure. Isshin mentioned treating him for a fever, but Ichigo wouldn't allow him to examine him, claiming he had the flu. The fever was due to an internal infection, and when we found him…it wouldn't have been long before he would have succumbed to it and the other injuries. Orihime healed everything physical, but…"

Unohana spoke up next. "They've both been violated," she said, looking between them. "Deeply, and in different ways. They both need to be watched closely, and cannot be left alone for any amount of time. They're bound in this now; there is nothing we can do without killing them both. The reiatsu chamber likewise cannot be extracted without destroying Ichigo. I'm afraid the more time passes, the less distance can be put between them. It is like some sort of homing beacon between the alpha and beta of the pair. I'll need Kurosuchi-taichou to run some tests, but I believe that this is an expression of the hollow mating relationships that we see in the lower hollows. Somehow, it has been activated in Ichigo's hollow by the one that took over Renji."

Byakuya nodded, looking at his sister. "Keep me informed," he said and left quietly.

"What should we do, Urahara-san?" she asked, glancing at Uryuu and Orihime in the doorway.

"He can't go back to the world of the living, not like this," the ex-captain said with a sigh. "He'll become more and more erratic, and we can't separate them without both of them dying."

Uryuu and Orihime nodded and looked to Rukia. "Can we do anything?" Uryuu asked quietly.

Urahara nodded. "Yes, actually. We need to set up a place for them to stay. You can help with transitioning Ichigo into it. Right now, based on the strength of the connection, I'm estimating they can be separated by around five hundred meters and no more. They'll have to be housed together, there is no other way because that amount will decrease as the kit develops."

Rukia nodded. "I'll see to that, and return once I've secured a housing unit near the fourth," she said and took off as quickly as she could.

Unohana smiled at Urahara. "We can't keep them unconscious forever, Kisuke-san. And Ichigo needs to know."

Uryuu looked up. "He doesn't know about the…uh…baby?" he asked, frowning, wondering if that was the right word.

Urahara shook his head. "He's been out since I brought him in. Dealing with Renji was all I could handle at once. I'm unsure how Ichigo will take the news."

He turned to the unconscious form, and reached and unbuckled the restraints. Unohana put a hand to his shoulder. "Kisuke-san, are you sure that's a good idea?"

Urahara shook his head. "I can't leave them on, Retsu-san. We know that the hollow bound his hands and sometimes his feet. If we leave them on, he may suffer an anxiety attack."

"If you remove them, he may run, and he's more than capable of getting out of here before we can stop him," she reminded him.

He nodded. "Chance I have to take."

He leaned forward and removed the kido to wake him. His eyes fluttered and he blinked up at Urahara and looked around with a scowl etched deeply in his brow.

"I wanted to stay home," he said sullenly.

"I know, Ichigo-kun, but it isn't possible for you to be in the world of the living right now, I'm afraid," he said, trying to keep his hands near Ichigo's shoulders in case he needed to keep him from leaving.

"Wh-why?" he asked, sitting up and looking around the room to see Renji unconscious in the nearby bed and both Orihime and Uryuu watching from the doorway. He saw that the fourth captain was there as well. "What's going on? Why can't I go home?"

Urahara held up his hands. "Ichigo-kun, you much relax and let me explain to you what has happened. There is a spiritual binding between you and Renji now, that's why you collapsed when he went through the senkaimon without you."

Ichigo's eyes went wider. "I…I can't leave without him?"

"You can't leave at all, Ichigo-kun, I'm sorry, but there's more…" he said gently. "Right now, you have to stay in about five hundred meters of Renji. And that amount will decrease slowly over time."

Ichigo blinked and shook his head. "I don't understand, why?"

Urahara sighed. "The hollow, it wanted to create a kit, it was programed to procreate."

Ichigo nodded, but a slight shudder passed over him. "Yeah, I kind of vividly remember that fact."

"Well, it seems that it was specifically made to target White, the hollow inside you," he said.

Ichigo frowned. "Okay, what does that matter? It isn't like shinigami can get humans pregnant, and I haven't got the equipment anyway."

"Eh, well, Ichigo, your father, actually…ah, see, he's a shinigami…used to be the captain of the tenth division actually," Urahara said, scratching his head. "And your mother, well, she was a Quincy. She was infected by White, essentially, in a similar way that Renji was infected by the hollow that found him. Both were created by Aizen, and no doubt this one was fueled by the power of the hogyuku. Your father, Isshin Shiba, he bound his soul to Masaki Kurosaki to save her life because White was turning her into a hollow…Aizen made White to infect and hollowify shinigami, but it was going to kill Masaki since she was human…"

Ichigo just stared at him for a long time, mouth slightly agape and unsure exactly what to say. "Anything else everyone's kept from me I should know?" he said finally.

Urahara nodded. "Isshin-san has known about you since the beginning. He asked me to help you when the time came."

"Okay," he said, blinking rapidly for a moment. He honestly thought things couldn't get any worse than they were at the moment. His father had kept a lot from him that would have been really useful information to have. And he was bonded to his rapist best friend for who knew how long.

"Why does the proximity get shorter?" he asked, realizing Urahara hadn't explained that.

Urahara glanced at Unohana and back at Ichigo. "Yes, well, there's something about hollows. They don't have genders, as you've seen. The arrancar, they express gender, but it is because of various other reason, but lower hollows, there is only a dynamic of alpha and beta between them. Betas are the ones that bear the children. Because both White and this other one were both created, they could be manipulated. The hollow that took over Renji's body was somehow able to activate the latent abilities of White, and…was able to complete its task."

Ichigo scowled and looked at him. "What does that mean?"

Urahara cast the kido from earlier and in front of Ichigo the reiatsu chamber formed, nestled against what he thought looked like…his stomach? He glared at the glowing bluish ball and then looked up.

"Is that…inside me?" he asked, his heart beginning to race in his ears because he knew the answer.

"Hai, it is, Ichigo. It is a chamber made out of pure reiatsu, and inside is something that is growing, but we don't know yet what form it has…" Urahara said, and dismissed the image.

Ichigo looked up at him. "Well, get rid of it!"

"Ichigo, we can't. We can't get rid of it or sever the connection between you and Renji. It will kill you both," he said softly. "The reiatsu is tied with your own reiatsu signature. There is no way to separate them without destroying you."

"No, no," Ichigo said, sliding off the bed and putting both hands in his hair. "No, there's something, you have to do something, you have to!"

"Ichigo-kun, I wish I could, but there is nothing…" he began.

Ichigo turned to him with a flush across his face. "No! Do something! You have to! I can't…no!" he said, eyes wide and Urahara was afraid he'd have to put him to sleep again. "No, no, I can't…" he muttered and glanced to the door where Orihime and Uryuu were both standing. Now he understood why they were standing there. They were blocking his way out of the room.

"No," he said, backing away from Urahara. "I can't do this, no, I'm…I'm not going to do this…"

He turned toward his friends and then moved quicker than either could respond, both going sprawling as he shot between them in a shunpo.

"Ichigo, no, stop!" Uryuu said, standing up and getting ready to go after him.

"Wait, wait," Urahara said, waking Renji up.

"Hm?" he said, sitting up.

"Renji, I know you're not doing great with this but we need your help. We told Ichigo, and he took off. He has about five hundred meters before the strain will stop him, but that's a lot of space in which he can hide. You have to find him before he does something drastic and tries to either hurt himself or tries to get back to the world of the living," Urahara said with a soft smile at him.

"Me? Can't you send Rukia or Uryuu?" he said, eyes widening at the thought. "He can't even look at me!"

Urahara helped him sit up and put on his kusodo. "Renji, it has to be you. The only way you are both going to get through this is together. There's no other way. Running from this isn't going to help. He needs _you_ not someone else. Only you understand what has happened to him completely, and only you can help him heal because he knows it wasn't you. You were violated just as badly as he was. And now you have to help him."

Renji swallowed thickly. "I…I'll try."

"You can follow the link, I assume?" he asked.

Renji nodded, feeling the ribbon that tied him to Ichigo. He stood on unsteady feet and headed after it. It wasn't too far away, obviously, Ichigo had felt the strain distance put on him. Renji stopped and closed his eyes and felt the despair and aching pain through the link. So he could feel what Ichigo was feeling. He felt…lost and alone and he was scared. Renji felt a pang of regret because he blamed himself for that. He understood he wasn't in control, but he was at fault for wallowing in his own self-pity instead of trying to help Ichigo get through this. Urahara was right. The only way through this was together.

He took a deep breath and found his way to an alley where he heard him now. He made his way to him slowly, not wanting to scare him into running away from him. He was at the end of the alley, against one of the buildings with his head buried in his arms where they rested on his knees. Renji didn't need to see to know he was trying to keep from sobbing into his arms. He sighed and kneeled down in front of him.

"Ichigo?" he said.

He looked up, eyes red and face stricken. There was a flash of fear that crossed his face briefly and that alone nearly broke Renji's heart.

"Ichigo, look, I know this isn't gonna be easy, and I…I don't know what to say right now, okay? But I think…I think the coy bastard Urahara is right. We've got to get through this together, that's the only way. We don't have a choice. And if you hate me after I say what I'm about to say, its okay, I just have to say it," Renji said, steeling his courage. "I…the reason this has torn me up so much…is because I've always liked you, a lot, and I…might have wanted to make us more than friends, but I didn't know if you did since you're always so focused on helping people and training, and I thought maybe, just maybe, it was possible. Then this happened, and I just…I'm so sorry."

Ichigo swallowed against the ball in his throat. "M-maybe that's why I didn't…say anything," he said finally, glancing down beside Renji's feet. "I…I was afraid to get you in trouble, and I…I thought…that you might not be in control of yourself, but part of me was scared that you were…and I…I couldn't stand the thought of you going away, but I didn't want to be near you, but…"

Renji looked at him and reached out and gently tipped his head up toward him. "I'd never hurt you like that," he said softly. "Never. I would like to show you that, if you'll let me? Maybe we can get through it, and things will change, but I saw what that thing did, every detail, every single sensation is etched into my mind, Ichigo, and I want to just kill those memories. Now, please, I know you're still afraid of me, and that hurts me so much, I can't even tell you how much, but I want to try…really want to try…"

Ichigo swallowed. "What if…what if it's a monster?" he said finally, refusing to look at him again.

"Then we'll have a monster baby," Renji said with a smile. "I think we can handle it."

"I didn't even ask how I'm supposed to _have_ a baby," Ichigo said with a frown. "I mean, seriously, I am not…ew, no that isn't possible to have a baby like that," he said, shaking his head.

Renji smiled and shook his head. "I'm sure that it will be surgical, Ichi," he said.

Ichigo nodded and looked up at him. "Okay," he said finally.

Renji reached out and gently brushed away a fresh set of tears from his face and smiled, bolstered by the fact he didn't flinch when he touched him. "Come on, will you take my hand?" he asked, holding it out for him.

Ichigo nodded and took his hand in his own. Renji helped him to his feet and they walked back to the fourth together. Renji ignored the fact that the hand he held trembled and Ichigo walked behind him with his eyes on the ground. It would take time. A lot of time.


End file.
